


Believe Me When I Say this Love is All or Nothing

by jadebrycin2116



Series: Trust Me [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Advice, Arguments, Christmas, College, Drama, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Part 3, Romance, Sequel, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 12:00:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadebrycin2116/pseuds/jadebrycin2116
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s not sure if he wants to be with him or if that’s even what Derek wants, but he’s afraid to ask and get the wrong answer. He just wants to live in the moment, and in this moment he wants Derek Hale. </p><p>“I thought you said this wasn’t a booty call?”  </p><p>“Yeah, well, I lied.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Believe Me When I Say this Love is All or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is finally, the last part. I just want to say thanks for all the great feedback and I hope you guys enjoy this :)

Christmas sucks. 

At least the gifting part does. 

It's not that Derek doesn't _like_ giving gifts to other people, it’s just that he never knows what the hell everyone else wants; and last year Laura told him that while they all "appreciate" his yearly gift cards, gift cards were also very impersonal. He thought he was just being safe, but apparently not everybody thought so. So here he is at the Beacon Hills mall during his winter break, trying to find a suitable, yet thoughtful, gift for everyone in his family. He'd rather be at home drinking gallons of spiked egg nog with Peter until they feel something that resembles a buzz and actually _enjoying_ his time off from college, but of course he can’t ever get what he wants.   

Derek swears he's been in this place for hours just walking around and so far he's a few decent ideas, but no actual gifts. He's growing discouraged until finally he sees one gift that actually screams out perfect to him. 

Maybe this won't be as hard as he thought? 

**Xxx**

Stiles has always loved Christmas, like _always._

It's the perfect opportunity to laze around the house watching cheesy movies and spend hours sleeping off food comas without any judgments. Plus, free gifts. Who doesn't like free gifts?  

The only thing he's leery of this year is Lydia's Christmas party tonight. He likes Lydia and all, they're still really good friends. They even ended up at the Stanford together, but he's not sure he really wants to see _all_ of their old classmates. Or, he's not really sure if he wants to see Derek. 

He hasn't seen Derek in months, not since the day they left, him for Stanford and Derek sticking a little closer to his family, playing basketball at The University of Beacon County. He'd said it was because it only forty-five minutes out of town, just in case he ever needed to come home in a hurry. He didn't directly say it was a werewolf thing, but Stiles figured it was a werewolf thing.  

Though he hadn't seen him, they'd texted once or twice and Stiles might have called him one time as he walked home drunk from an out of control party; but even then, they hadn't spoken since November. Surprisingly, Stiles hadn't even seen him during Thanksgiving break. If he had, it might have made the thought of seeing him now less nerve-wracking, then again, maybe not.  

**Xxx**

Stiles knows Lydia would never approve, but he throws on a Stanford hoodie and jeans anyway. It's comfortable and easy. It's not like anybody is going to care about what he's wearing. 

Scott and Allison show up at his house around nine, because Allison insisted they all ride together. Unlike with Derek, Stiles kept in great touch with Scott and Allison while they were away at San Francisco State. He and Lydia would get together at least once a week to Skype the couple, when they weren't texting or calling each other. It's easy seeing them when he gets into the car. He and Scott share a handshake, and it’s like they just saw each other yesterday. Allison's turning around and smiling, cooing about how she's missed him. It's sweet. 

"And I think she invited mostly kids from our class, so it sounds like it'll pretty much be a small high school reunion," she says as she's driving.  

Stiles sighs before forcing a smile on his face. A small high school reunion huh? 

_Because high school was so awesome the first time..._

**Xxx**

It's a typical teenage party. Derek would know. He's been to his fair share of parties. There's liquor he can’t really drink and decorations he doesn’t really care about and blah blah blah...it's all the same. He didn't even want to come tonight. But a couple other betas, Isaac, Boyd, and Erica, dragged him along. They claimed he was a 'homebody' or something like that. 

So here he is holding a cup and standing outside with his friends by Lydia's pool, hoping the cops show up or something so he can go home. It's not that he doesn't like parties, it’s just, he's not really in the mood to see all the stupid kids he went to high school with. He sees enough of them around campus anyway. He's supposed to be on relaxing on his break and this didn't seem very relaxing. 

**Xxx**

"Come dance with us," Erica pleads, pulling at Derek's jacket sleeve. "Stop being so stiff and boring. One dance isn't going to kill you." 

"It might," he jokes before removing the blonde from his sleeve, "Go on, Boyd's waiting for you. I need more to drink anyway." 

She rolls her eyes, seeing right through Derek's diversion, "Whatever, because it’s actually affecting you anyway." 

She’s right and he smirks at her before making his way to the table Lydia has set up in the back by the pool. It's pretty mild for a December night, but still cold. Regardless, people are outside dancing and drinking. He goes to grab the ladle when a pale hand knocks against his own.  

"Oh, sor-" the wolf starts before being cut off by a familiar voice. 

 _"Derek?"_  

He glances over and he should've known Stiles would be here. Lydia's been his friend for years. They go to the same school. Why wouldn't he be here? 

"Hey," Derek says, trying to ease the awkwardness with a calm voice and a quick smile. They haven't talked in a while and it's been even longer since they last saw each other.  A simple ‘hey’ seems appropriate.

Stiles cheeks flush red and he's not sure why. It's definitely a stupid involuntarily reflex. "Hey...h-how've you been? What have you been up to?" 

The wolf shrugs, "Just you know, basketball and school." 

Stiles can’t stand how casual Derek looks when he feels like he's having heart palpitations, which he knows the wolf can hear. Something about Derek has always made his heart race and tonight is no different. He definitely still _looks_ good, not that Stiles really expected six months of college to change a person drastically. While he spent his free time taking vodka shots and eating fast food, Derek was spending hours in practice playing college basketball. It showed.  

"How are you doing? How are you liking Stanford?" 

"It's nice, _different,_ but nice. I like it a lot actually." There are a few minutes of silence where Stiles looks nervous as Derek looks at him with a condescending smirk on his face. 

The human takes a second to look around and maybe ease his mind before looking back at Derek. For a moment Derek's focus is on a gorgeous blonde Stiles remembers from high school, _Erica_ he thinks, before he makes eye contact again. He wonders what that's about.

"You want to go somewhere?" Derek asks, "Like inside or somewhere where its more quiet, catch up for a few?" 

Stiles hesitates, but then nods. What harm could it do? They're just two friends catching up. He's over thinking this. So he follows Derek through the house and out onto Lydia's large front steps where things are less exciting and less populated. They both take a seat, Derek one step higher than Stiles, who's sitting sideways with his long legs stretched out in front of him. 

"So how's basketball going?" He asks. "I read that you were wiping the floor with the upperclassman." Allison may or may not have sent him a link to a few articles regarding UBCs basketball team.

Derek looks up and laughs, but it’s not the kind of laugh that suggests something is funny, "I fucking hate it."  

"No way? I thought you loved basketball?" 

"Not at UBC. Half the guys decided they hated me before I got there. They remembered my name from the three consecutive state titles. The first week of practices alone I got elbowed in the stomach twice and hit in the face three times. Once my nose was flowing blood like a fountain." 

"Well at least it healed fast, right?"  

 Derek shrugs it off, "Yeah, but then I kept having to explain why all my black eyes and bloody noses were gone by the next day, if I even bruised at all." 

 "A small price to pay for being the highest scorer in the first five games of the season." 

 "You've been keeping tabs on me?" Leave it to Derek to try and change the subject with a playful smile.

Stiles just looks away and frowns a little, "I’m sure it'll get better." 

"Maybe? I don't know. I quit before I left for break. I could deal with the assholes, but since the bruises kept disappearing in record time, the guys were getting worse and it wasn't worth the werewolf thing getting out." 

"But you loved it..." 

"Yeah well I've loved a lot of things but you know, stuff happens," he says with a straight face and for a second Stiles wonders if it has a double meaning. He looks back at Derek but it gets uncomfortable and shifts his gaze, biting his bottom lip. 

"Was Erica one of those things?" He asks sheepishly. He's not sure why he asks that of all the things. He shouldn't care. He and Derek haven't been together since sophomore year, but he's been curious since he saw them together. It's none of his business, but it doesn't make him want to know any less. 

Derek glances over at Stiles before rolling his eyes. "Why? Are you jealous?" He laughs lightly. 

Stiles blushes but doesn't answer yes or no. 

"We're just hanging out. She's like me, _ya know_ , a werewolf."  

" _Oh..."_ The human frowns, looking off to the side. Of course she was. 

Sensing some discomfort, Derek adds, "We're not together though. She's having a thing with Boyd." 

He's not sure why it would matter whether he was with her or not. It's not like he and Stiles are a thing, but regardless, he doesn't want to hurt him. Even after all this time, he still feels that way. He wonders if that's strange. 

The human just nods and lets out another low _"oh"_ without looking back at Derek. Now he's confused. He thought Stiles would be fine after that. 

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Stiles replies with a forced smile and Derek just knows. Honestly the other boy should know better. As if Derek couldn't tell, werewolf senses or not.

" _What is it Stiles?"_

"It's just, I don't know. The first thing you said was that she was a werewolf. She was _like_ _you_. I thought for a second-I just-I could never relate."  

For a minute they both sit in silence, neither of them really sure how to relieve the awkward tension in the air. Derek isn't sure, but he doesn't think reunions with people are supposed to feel this weird. This is _Stiles,_ not some random stranger he's never talked to before. Maybe they're just making a bigger deal of this than they need to be.  

He sighs in an attempt to relax himself and then glances at the human, "For the record, that never really bothered me." 

Stiles glances over incredulously and then rolls his eyes. He hates Derek's non-chalant attitude sometimes. "Yeah well it bothered me," he scoffs. "Sometimes I just felt like I didn't understand you." 

Both of the wolf's eyebrows shoot up. This is news to him. Stiles never seemed to express this concern before. Honestly, they tried to avoid the subject whenever possible. He figures that now that some time had passed, the human probably felt more comfortable. "Why didn't you ask? I just assumed you didn't want to talk about my werewolf side because you never brought it up. You said you didn't care." 

Stiles shrugs, "I _didnt_ care, at least not that you were a werewolf. I just...I mean, I googled it but that’s not the same, you know? It’s not like being one. I had no idea what that was like for you and it just seems like one of those things you don't fully understand unless you are one." 

"It’s not really all that exciting. It isn't something id worry about Stiles. If I cared about that, I wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Let’s just talk about something else. This is getting depressing, even for me." 

Stiles looks over and nods. A subject change would probably be good right about now. 

"Alright, what did you have in mind?"  

"We talked about how college is going for me. How is it going for you?" 

Stiles shrugs, "You know, excessive studying, excessive amounts of pizza and beer, not enough sleep, long lectures blah blah blah...pretty cliché." 

"Sounds nice," Derek comments solemnly and Stiles frowns. He didn't have to quit doing what he loved because a bunch of assholes were borderline bullying him at practice. He's been having a blast. It almost seems unfair.

"It is." 

It’s quiet again after that, both boys just staring out into the distance and watching kids stumble drunkenly in and out of the party. When Derek finally does speak, he doesn't look at Stiles. Instead he spreads his legs out on the steps in front of him and leans back, "I noticed you left out an excess of meaningless, yet adventurous, college hook ups." 

He laughs as Stiles' face turns bright red and he hides his face, rubbing his hand through his brown hair, "Um...yeah, not too many of those. Maybe two or three." 

Derek's eyebrows go up in amusement, "Oh yeah?" He laughs. 

"Yeah, random college hook ups might not be my thing. They were all disasters. One girl ran off to throw up half-way through and I never saw her again. Another guy bit me, like on my neck. He didn’t draw blood. I just think he might of thought he was a vampire or something, needless to say that was strange." 

Derek laughs and then asks curiously, "And the third one?" 

Stiles bites his bottom lip and nervously begins to rub at the back of his neck, "The third one? Ha...the third one was um...it was _Lydia._ We were both drunk and we woke up and agreed to never talk about it ever again."

Derek definitely wasn't nearly as surprised as he should've been. Lydia and Stiles had always had a really close connection, it was pretty much inevitable. He was a little hurt, sure, but he knew he couldn't say anything. It wasn't his place. He had no right. 

"So what about you?" Derek glances over to see a smirk on the human's face and he repeats himself, "I told you about my college escapades. What about yours?" 

His cheeks turn red and Stiles just laughs, "Come on, _spi-ill_." 

"I haven't actually had time," he says, "Or met anybody I liked enough."

Stiles frowns. He should've known honestly. Derek never really was one for spontaneity and all that. Even back in high school Derek calmed down significantly after ending it with Stiles. "You really aren't having the most fun college experience, are you?" 

Stiles receives a shrug in reply, "Depends on your idea of fun I guess." 

The human opens his mouth to counter, maybe even argue, but then he just sighs. He leans his chin on his knees and looks forward, towards the street. "You seem unhappy...You shouldn't settle for that," he says and when Derek doesn't reply, he stands up deciding to go back and find Scott.

The wolf stays in the same spot on the steps, not even looking back towards his ex. He wonders how he spent half the night out here talking to him so easily...and how the hell did Stiles become the one telling Derek what he should and shouldn't settle for. That used to be his job.  

Xxx 

Christmas comes...and goes.  

It's fine. Derek spends it with family. They all exchange gifts and eat sweets and tell stories, the _usual_. 

He still has one gift left though, sitting in his closet wrapped and waiting. He's been looking at it every few hours, like he's just making sure it’s still there but in reality he's not even sure if he wants to give it anymore. It might have been a stupid idea to buy it anyway. It was impulsive, like what was he thinking?

Up until the party he had hardly even talked to Stiles anyway. 

Xxx 

"I think you forgot to open this," his dad says carrying a box into his room. He looks confused, trying to figure out how the hell he missed an entire gift under their tree and didn't notice it for almost three days.  

When he sees the box, Stiles cocks an eyebrow but doesn't complain because well, _a gift is a gift so..._  

His dad hands him a box wrapped interestingly enough in vintage newspaper comics and asks who it’s from. There's a tag, so Stiles looks at it. "It just says it’s from Santa," he answers, but he's not stupid.

Santa doesn’t have Derek Hale’s handwriting.

Xxx 

"Do werewolves even believe in Santa?" He asks with a straight face, standing on Derek's porch that night when he answers the door.

"Sometimes he comes over and has tea with my mom and Sasquatch," the wolf deadpans and Stiles hates how he can say something so stupid with such a straight face.   

"You are such an asshole." 

"I think the words you're looking for are 'thank you'." 

Instead of that, Stiles rolls his eyes but doesn't protest when he sees Derek slip on a pair of shoes and walk outside with him. They sit down on the bench outside and he hates the stupid, smug look, Derek has on his face. 

"Did you like it?" 

"You know I did," He replies flatly. Derek got him the anniversary box set of Star Wars, the really expensive collector’s edition with extended footage and commentary and a bunch of other dumb shit he knows only a nerd like Stiles would ever truly appreciate. 

"I know you too well to fall for the whole anonymous gift thing. You could've put your name on it," he adds, "and actually delivered yourself too." 

"I didn't think you would take it unless I did it that way. The longer it sat in my closet, the less I wanted to drop it off. It seemed like too much." 

Stiles looks over and laughs, "It was definitely too much, but in a good way. I love it, but you didn't have to get me anything." 

"I wanted to, because I knew you would like it. That's all." 

Stiles nods, completely believing him. Nothing about the gesture screams romantic in the least. It was just Derek being well, _Derek._

"I feel bad." 

"Why?"   

"I didn't get you anything. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see you." 

"If you think I gave you the gift because I expected you to give me something in return, you probably don't know me as well as you think you think you do," Derek says... 

and then he goes back inside. 

Xxx  

He doesn't talk to Derek for a few days after that, but he can’t stop thinking about him. Stiles feels bad, maybe almost guilty and not because he didn’t get him a gift. He feels like Derek doesn't seem like himself the last few times he's seen him. The wolf just seems, unhappy and it hurts Stiles to think that he is. 

He wishes he could do something about it, as if Derek would _let_ him...but he has to do something. So he breaks out his laptop and starts Googling a few things as an idea pops into his head. 

Xxx  

"I know you said you didn't want a gift, so I didn't technically _buy_ you one," Stiles says standing on Derek's porch. He didn’t even say 'hi' first.  

Derek just has an eyebrow raised as he stares at Stiles. The teen's all bundled up with his face all red like he walked here in the cold. It's not even _that_ cold, at least not to him. 

"Um...okay...well you wanna come inside and show it to me? It’s warmer in here."  

Stiles nods and follows Derek inside the house and into the kitchen taking a seat at the table. Without asking, Derek begins getting out a mug and setting it up for hot chocolate, something to warm the other boy up a little before they actually gets going.  

"So," Stiles starts, "I was thinking about everything we talked about at Lydia's and I did some research and it’s just an idea but I thought maybe you would want to at least look at these and maybe think it over." It all comes out in one frantic breath and he's panting a little at the end. It’s just as adorable now as Derek remembers. 

The wolf sits across from Stiles and pushes a steaming hot mug towards him, "So what is this _'it'_ I’m supposed to be considering?" 

Stiles reaches in his coat pocket and pulls out several papers, laying them on the table and sliding them towards Derek. "They're ugh, _schools_ ," he says nervously, "Other colleges around California. They have good curriculums and nice campuses, basketball programs and this one is only a few hours away from Stanford..."

Derek looks at the other boy with confusion on his face at first, but it slowly changes into a sly smirk. A few hours away from Stanford? Was that like a requirement?

_"What?"_

"Nothing...So this is your gift to me? A bunch of school pamphlets. Am I supposed to make a collage out of these or what?"  

Stiles shakes his head, "What? No. They're for you to consider...like transferring to. You said you hated it at Beacon County, I just thought..." 

"I can’t just up and transfer school Stiles, especially over something as not getting along with a few guys on the basketball team."

The human lowers his head. He wasn’t expecting this type of reaction. Derek isn’t mad, but he isn’t happy. "I mean, I’m not saying you have to. I thought you might want to read these over just to see. Your mom thought it might be good for-" 

"You talked to my mom about this?"

"Well yeah, I-" 

"Stiles look, I’m flattered really. Like this is a nice gesture but I...I don’t need you to do this, to be involved in my life like this. We aren’t-just because we spent a little time talking at Lydia's the other night doesn't mean-I mean-we were just talking Stiles. You can’t go meddling in my life anymore. I’m not your responsibility and you are not mines. I appreciate the gesture but I made my decision okay?" Derek sighs, "Look, Ive got something I need to do. You can let yourself out whenever and I really hope you enjoy your gift."

Stiles watches as Derek walks out the room without a second glance. He thought the wolf would be happy but he clearly thought wrong. So maybe he didn’t read them right now, but Stiles leaves the pamphlets because Derek might want to read them later. 

Xxx 

He's not sure, but after three days with no word from Derek, he thinks it’s safe to assume that the wolf is probably upset with him. Scott doesn't think so, because ‘ _it’s not like they were talking every day before’,_ but Stiles is still pretty sure Derek's not happy. He just knows because he still remembers those things.  

It’s not that he was trying to butt into Derek's life or tell him what to do. He wasn’t saying Derek should run from his problems, just that if he wasn’t happy, well maybe he should try something new. Just because they weren’t together, didn’t mean Stiles didn’t want Derek to be happy. Nobody should be miserable, and just because he hadn’t said it, didn’t mean he wasn’t.

And Stiles isn’t sure why Derek's happiness was such a big concern to him, why it bothered him so much he felt like he should say something, but it just did. Since Lydia's party, Derek Hale has been all he could think about. It reminds him of high school.  

Xxx 

Derek sat at the table staring at its contents with a mixture of a scowl and confusion. 

 

"You've been staring at those stupid pamphlets for days now. Are you ever going to pick one up or are you hoping your pathetic glare will burst them into flames?" Peter asks with a smirk and eye roll. He takes a seat across from Derek, who has yet to acknowledge his presence, and reaches for a pamphlet. 

 

"What are these for anyway? College kids only get pamphlets for two reasons, STDs and babies. I know you can’t have the clap or anything _soo_...oh Jesus Derek, did you get some poor girl pregnant? Because there’s no pamphlet in the world that can prepare a girl for a werewolf-" 

 

"They're for school," Derek says finally, forcing Peter to shut up. He didn't think he could take another second of Peter's rambling. He was always one for dramatics instead of getting to the point. "For different schools." 

 

Peter looks Derek up and down curiously before averting his eyes to the paper in his own hands, "You thinking of transferring or something?" 

 

Derek shrugs, "I ugh-I don't-Stiles brought them over." 

 

"And you’ve been staring at them because....I mean Stiles isn’t here forcing you look at them and you didn’t throw them away so I think it would be safe to assume you're considering transferring at this point."

 

"He talked to my mom about it." The younger wolf deadpans without actually looking at his uncle.  

 

"And she was okay with it?" 

 

"I guess." 

 

"And you hate Beacon County right?" 

 

"I guess." 

 

"Have you actually read any of these? They seem like places you would like. So what’s the problem, or what’s your excuse I should say?" 

 

Derek shoots Peter a quick glare before reaching a for a pamphlet himself. He hasn’t actually read any of them. He knows Stiles knows what he likes, even still. The wolf knew the second he started leafing through pamphlets he’d fall in love with a school, and that was what he was afraid of. 

 

"It’s the middle of the year." 

 

"Excuse." 

 

"Transferring would be a hassle." 

 

"Excuse." 

 

"The school would be hours away from you guys." 

 

"Excuse."

 

"I don’t want it to look like I’m running from my problems. A bad experience with the basketball team isn’t a reason to leave a school."

 

"It wouldn’t be running Derek. The fact that you’re having a miserable time at the one time in your life you’re supposed to have the best experiences is reason enough. Don’t even use us as an excuse, as if we can’t take care of ourselves anyway."

 

"Bu-" 

 

"But what?" Peter says before standing up with a sigh, "Stiles went through the trouble of looking all these places up for a reason. At least give it a thought, that's all I’m saying." 

 

Xxx

 

When Derek finally comes to talk to her, because she knew he would, she's lying on her bed late one night reading. Talia knows her son better than he probably thinks she does, and it was only a matter of time. At least Derek only waited a few days to come talk to her as opposed to waiting until it was too late to do anything. 

 

He starts off by standing in her doorway, waiting to be invited in even though she's told him time and time again that he doesn't have to. Because she knows it’s what he's waiting for, Talia places her book down and gently taps the empty spot in bed beside her. 

 

Like a child, Derek crawls onto the bed and lays his head on her. 

 

"Something the matter?" His mother asks, running a hand through his thick, dark, hair. He lets out a deep sigh but doesn't actually say anything at first. "This about the school thing?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"I know that you know you have my blessing to leave and pursue an education somewhere else Derek, so I don't think it's that simple. Am I right in thinking that?" 

 

He nods one time. 

 

"Does the reason you've been so reluctant to consider transferring or why it took you so long to come talk to me have something to do with Stiles maybe?" 

 

Derek glances up and is met by a warm, though slightly condescending, smirk. "I figured as much. I’m a lot more perceptive than you think."

 

"I don't think-" 

 

"Yes you do," she laughs, "But just remember, I always know Derek. I’m a mother, how could I not know when something is wrong with my baby?"

 

The young wolf rolls his eyes at the word 'baby' which only causes Talia to let out a small laugh. "For example, I know that you were nervous about him coming home from break but you bought him a gift anyway, a pretty expensive one from what I understand. I know you've talked to him more than once this break. I know you've been torn about this school thing, not because you don't want to transfer, but because of him." 

 

Derek bites his lip at this. He knows she’s not done so he doesn’t speak. 

 

"What I don't know is _why._ I know you still love him, even after all of this time. I just can't decide if you're torn _because_ you love him and want to stay close so you can keep an eye on him whenever he comes back...or if you want to leave, but you're scared that once you do, you'll actually have to move forward and figure out your life without him?" 

 

"I don't...I..."

 

"You know people grow apart Derek? You know that first hand. Stiles left and you're not nearly as close as before, even though you managed a good friendship after you broke up. That's just life baby. You can't live the rest of yours stuck under us or hating the decisions you've made or doing anything but being happy. If you stay here, you're only going to begin to resent us, Stiles included." 

 

"I would never." 

 

"Maybe not yet...you have to cut the leash eventually. I think you knew that before but you were afraid to admit it, and I wasn’t going to force you to leave when you wanted to stay. Stiles though, he came back and saw immediately what nobody wanted to say."

 

"Which was what exactly? Because I’m confused. It sounds like you all want me to leave." 

 

"We don’t _want_ you to leave but...you don’t belong here Derek. Your family is here, your memories are here, your home will always be here...but your heart isn't really here and instead of leaving, you're breaking it just to stay. That's no way to live baby." 

 

"You think I should go too then?" 

 

Talia nods, "You need to get out of here. Have experiences, see new things, be independent. This town, these things you're holding onto here, will suck you dry if you let them." 

 

"And what about Stiles?" 

 

"What about him? You tell me Derek. If you still want him in your life, that's your decision. Something tells me he'd be happy to play whatever role you choose to cast him in. He just wants you to be happy Derek, _we all do_...but if you're sticking close by for us and to keep tabs on Stiles when he’s here, you're never going to find whatever it is you're looking for." 

 

Talia pulls her son in close and finishes with, "If you want to leave, leave. If you want to stay, then stay. If you wanna play ball, if you don't, I’m still going to support you. Just do it because it's what you really want to do...and Derek?" 

 

"Yes?"

 

"I love you," she says warmly. 

 

Derek smiles to himself and leans in closer to his mother, "I love you too mom." 

 

Xxx 

 

Stiles leaves to go back to school without so much as a "screw you" from Derek. He assumes the wolf is still mad at him for prying into his business and his life. It was...it was just, maybe a small part of him wanted to see Derek happy because a small part of him still cared about the idiot...as more than a friend. He wasn't lying when he'd said he'd always harbor some sort of feelings towards him. 

 

It didn't matter though because he was back at school and he had classes to attend to and things to do. He just hoped whatever Derek was doing, that he was happy. 

  
Xxx

  
It's a mild day in February, a Tuesday. Stiles is walking to his dorm after a nine o’ clock class, hoping to get a nap in before lunch, when he sees it, a black Camaro. And of course leaning against it in all his glory, Derek Hale clad in a black leather jacket.  

 

He doesn't know what to do at first, but when Derek smiles, Stiles runs towards him and pulls into a hug. "Dude! What the hell are you doing here-you don 't go here now do you?" 

 

The wolf laughs as Stiles releases him from their embrace, "No, just visiting." 

 

"Oh," the human's face drops significantly and he hates how Derek can still do that after all this time. "Isn't this a long drive...you could've just called then." 

 

"It was only twenty minutes with traffic." 

 

"Twenty? But Beacon County is at least four hours..." 

 

That's when Derek unzips his jacket to reveal a red and black t-shirt. "California State," he informs and Stiles gets so excited he wraps his arms around Derek again. 

 

" _You read my pamphlets_!" 

 

"Yes Stiles, I read your pamphlets. They were _helpful,_ I guess." 

 

"Hell yeah they were! Got you to transfer didn't they? I want to hear everything about it, every minute detail! This is so exciting! And you have no idea how-" 

 

"How about you go put your stuff down and I can take you to lunch or something? Lydia told me you didn't have any more classes before I came." 

 

Stiles nods before practically running to put his stuff away. 

 

Xxx

Derek's pretty sure he’s shared all of his stories and heard every story about every minute little thing that's happened to Stiles since school started by the time they're getting dessert—it’s a slice of pie. Stiles insisted he try the apple pie a la mode at this dinner, so they get a piece to split.  

 

The waitress sets it on the table and the human waits patiently for Derek to take the first bite.  

 

"Heaven isn't it?"  

 

Derek rolls his eyes playfully, "It's alright." 

 

"Everything so difficult with you," Stiles scoffs, "I’m sure it took a ridiculous amount of convincing to get you to transfer didn’t it?" 

 

"Maybe," Derek laughs, "but I’m glad I did so...you know, thank you." 

 

"It was no big deal. I just wanted you to be happy." 

 

"You still care about my happiness after all this time, I’m touched."

 

"Yeah well, it was more selfish than that. I mean, I like to think I’m a nice person and I didn’t want thoughts of you being miserable when I could've helped keeping me up at night." 

 

Derek raises an eyebrow and spoons some ice cream in his mouth, "You think about me at night?" 

 

A bright red tint rushes to the human’s face, "Oh my God, not like that you perv. Don’t flatter yourself."

 

Derek shrugs, "Suit yourself. You're the one missing out really." 

 

And Stiles smiles in return but doesn't answer. It's quiet for almost a minute after that, which surprises the wolf because he remembers a time when Stiles could hardly keep his mouth shut. 

 

"What?" He finally says because the fact that Stiles is just looking at him but not talking is starting to weird him out. 

 

The other boy's smile widens before he replies, "I missed this Derek is all. When I saw you at home you weren't yourself. I didn't like it." 

 

"Well you had a hand in helping me find myself. I guess I should thank you for that too." 

 

"I didn't really do much," Stiles blushes, "Just brought some pamphlets over. I didn't fill out any applications or anything, but I'm glad you appreciate it." 

 

Xxx 

 

"So you think you'll be coming back or..." Stiles asks, sitting in Derek's car in front of his dorm. He doesn't want to sound too curious but he is. He likes having Derek around and being away from him for six months, he seemed to forget that. 

 

Even when they weren't dating, they still managed to rekindle their friendship. It took a few months after the break up to for them to figure that out, but eventually they matured enough to maintain a solid relationship. They would always care about one another, they both knew that. 

 

“Is that an invitation?”

Stiles really wishes Derek would stop making him blush. It’s a stupid reaction, he knows that, but it still happens. “Well…yeah I guess. I mean I would like to see you again if you know, you’re not too busy being the big man on your own campus to see me.”

“I think visitation could be arranged,” he smiles before his voice takes on a slightly more serious tone. “You know I really enjoyed seeing you today Stiles and I really appreciate what you did for me too. Of course I’ll come back and visit you again, when are you available?”

“I’m free next weekend.”

“Next weekend it is then. It’s a date.”

XXX

Stiles would be lying if he said the phrase ‘ _it’s a date’_ didn’t kind of excite him. He knows it’s not literally a date, but Derek still called it one and it gives him this weird feeling of high school nostalgia. He won’t admit he spent a good majority of his week reminiscing on their old relationship and that he might have forgotten to take notes in Freshman English because he was daydreaming, but it totally happened. It’s not that he particularly wants to date again, it’s just…well sometimes he wonders what would have happened if they had worked out? How would things have turned out if Derek was…or wasn’t so _different_?  

When Friday comes along, nervous hardly begins to describe what Stiles is feeling. Nervous, anxious, scared, and excited are a handful…and stupid, _definitely stupid,_ because he shouldn’t be feeling half of these emotions in the first place. It’s just two friends hanging out. It’s nothing special. There won’t be any holding hands or cuddling or going back to his room to have some passionate late night sex—though Stiles can’t say he hasn’t thought about it. He’s just curious as to what it would be like since he and Derek never really got around to well, _it_. But he pushes those thoughts out of his mind and goes baco to focusing on the reality of the situation. _It’s just two friends hanging out._  

“I thought we’d see a movie and then maybe get some burgers or something? Sound good?” Derek asks, backing out of the parking spot in front of the dorm.  

“Yeah, sounds great,” Stiles replies…although his mind quickly wanders to how _date-like_ that sounds. He can’t figure out why the hell his mind refuses to keep this relationship platonic. Or where the hell these thoughts came from in the first place for that matter? He hasn’t felt like this since they broke up and now suddenly…what the hell?

The movie is fine. Derek insists on paying, but he always has so the other male just goes with it. It’s your typical scary movie with a cheesy plot and a bunch of special effects to add a thrill factor. Stiles can handle that, especially since he’s dated much scarier. Derek looks like he’s ready to laugh at any moment because, really? He’s probably got babies in his family scarier than this. Although once or twice, Stiles has to fight the urge to jump and burry his face in Derek’s shoulder, everything goes fairly well. He definitely has a good time. Afterwards, the wolf drives them to some hole in the wall burger joint Stiles hasn’t heard of or seen before and picks out a booth in the back as if it’s his personal favorite.  

“This is neat,” Stiles says, looking around at the vintage interior. The place is called _‘Willie’s’_ and decorated like an old school diner. “Where’d you find this place?”

Handing Stiles a menu, he shrugs, “I was just driving around one day and I saw it. I decided to stop in and it was pretty good so, I’ve been back a few times. You like burgers. I thought you might like it.”

If there’s one thing he remembers about Derek, it’s how simple things always are with him. He’s straight forward, no nonsense about his explanations, and Stiles likes that.  

“You trust me?” Derek asks with a playful smile. Stiles knows he means about the restaurant, but for a brief second he thinks back to a more serious time in their relationship. He swears Derek has asked him that question before.  

“Yeah, I think so. Why?”

“I bet I can still order for you.”

“A bet huh? Only if you let me order for you too,” He extends his hand for confirmation and reluctantly Derek accepts. “I’m sure they can go rare for you, but I think a full moon’s coming up pretty soon. You’d probably prefer raw right? Cravings for blood peeking right about now?”  

“If you don’t order my burger well done, I’m going to fill my _‘cravings’_ for blood with you.”

Stiles laughs, rolling his eyes. He forgot how much he loved pushing Derek’s buttons. “Oh please, you like me way too much to kill me.” 

“I never said I was going to kill you, maybe just rough you up a little bit, teach you a lesson about messing with werewolves.”

“Believe me Derek, I think I learned enough about messing with werewolves when we were together. I don’t need a lesson to know never to do that again.” The words come out of his mouth before he can even think about what he’s saying or how it might sound. He opens his mouth to maybe counteract the statement, but the look on Derek’s face tells him not to bother. Stiles knows that Derek still feels bad about what happened to him when they were together and he just up and rubbed the fact that his boyfriend couldn’t protect him in his face.  

Thankfully, before things can get any worse, the waitress comes and asks for their orders. Derek gets him a double chili cheeseburger with extra mayonnaise and no pickles, double order of curly fries and a chocolate shake. It’s exactly what he wants and he feels even worse knowing that after all this time, Derek still knows what he likes and he can’t even remember not to be an asshole. He can at least say he still knows what the other male likes to indulge in, a double cheeseburger with extra bacon, no tomatoes, add barbecue sauce and a coke. He remembers Derek getting curly fries a lot when they dating, but looking back, that might have been more for Stiles than for himself, since Stiles ended up eating most of them anyway.

They don’t say much until the food arrives, which is of course Stiles’ own fault, but Derek breaks the silence right after he watches Stiles sink his teeth into his burger. “How’d I do?”

The human hopes that the slow moan that escapes his lips is a good enough indication. The burger is big and greasy, just how he likes it. “Perfect,” he replies before swallowing, “What about me? How’d I do?”

“You did alright,” Derek teases and Stiles just rolls his eyes.

“ _Please_ , like I don’t know what you like.”

Derek just smiles, because he knows Stiles is right. He helped him choose a new school after all.

“Yeah, you do.”

XXX

“Oooh my God!” Stiles moans obnoxiously as he leans over to undo his seatbelt, “I can’t believe you let me eat that much. What is wrong with you?”

“You’re a grown man. I think you know your own limits,” Derek laughs.

“You know perfectly well that I do not know my own limits! You did this on purpose to watch me suffer.” And he is. After finishing his burger, shake and three orders of fries—because of course Derek slide his over and Stiles couldn’t resist a good curly fry—his stomach feels close to bursting. “Help me upstairs to my room, it’s the least you could do honestly. If you’re nice, I’ll even give you a tour.”

Derek’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “ _To your room?_ Are you sure?”

“ _Yes, I’m sure_. It’s a tour, not a booty call. Now come over here and help me.”

Without further hesitation, Derek helps Stiles out of the car and lets him guide them to his room on the third floor of the dorm. “Conveniently enough, I don’t have a roommate,” he says when he sticks the key in the door, “Not right now. He dropped out to sell pot or something.” 

He practically dives onto the bed once he gets the door opened. He then proceeds to give Derek the “tour” from his spot, eyes closed, rubbing circles into his stomach. It’s a fairly basic dorm room, not too different from his own. He remembers a lot of the posters from his old room back in Beacon Hills. There are a lot of pictures from back then too, even a few he’s in.  

“This is my room. There’s my desk. Over there is my TV and this is my bed. You’re welcome.”   

“That was amazing Stiles, really, thank you.”

“If you really want to thank me, tips are also appreciated.”

Laughing to himself, Derek takes a seat on the edge of the bed to take it all in. Two years ago, he would’ve never imagined he and Stiles would be where they are. Hell, he couldn’t have imagined this two months ago. “I think dinner and a movie were enough of a tip.”

“Yeah, good point,” Stiles agrees while slowly kicking his shoes off and draping his legs over the other male’s lap. “Thanks again for that by the way. I know I said it back at the burger place, but you really didn’t have to do that.”  

Derek kicks his own shoes off and scoots further onto the bed until his back hits the wall, “It’s not a big deal. I _wanted_ to.”  

“Oh yeah? Why was that?” Stiles is definitely curious, he just hopes his curiosity doesn’t come back to bite him in the ass.

“Consider it a thank you for you know, _everything_.”

“You already thanked me Derek. You don’t have to keep thanking me, really. You should let me pay you back.”

“No Stiles, really. I don’t want your money.”

The human opens his eyes and smirks at the other male. Slowly, he sits up on his elbows and purses his lips, “I didn’t say it had to be with money.”

Derek can’t help the way the corner of his mouth edges up, “You’d sell your body for a movie and a burger?”  

“Too cheap?” Stiles asks, carefully sitting up and moving towards Derek. Although they’re talking, they both seem to creeping slowly towards each other. Stiles finds his way to Derek’s lap, draping a hand on each shoulder and bringing his lips towards his neck. He’s not sure where this is coming from, or if it’s even a good idea, but he knows this is what he’s been wanting all night…even if he didn’t want to admit it before.

“You’re worth so much more than that.”

For a moment Stiles hesitates, he almost feels bad. As much as he wants Derek, he doesn’t want to take advantage of him. He’s not sure if he wants to be with him or if that’s what Derek wants, but he’s afraid to ask and get the wrong answer. He just wants to live in the moment, and in this moment he wants Derek Hale.

Aggressively, he begins to undo the buttons of Derek’s shirt and the wolf laughs, “I thought you said this wasn’t a booty call?”  

Stiles pulls back for one second, sliding Derek’s shirt off of his shoulders and crashing their lips together, “Yeah, well, I _lied_.”

XXX  

When Stiles wakes up, Derek isn’t there anymore.

He shouldn’t be surprised. He doesn’t know what he was suspecting, but this is college. They’re adults now. A hook up is just that, a _hook up_. Just because they had a history didn’t mean that they have a future, at least not as anything more than friends…maybe not at all, not after last night.  

How could he have been so stupid?

He wasn’t even drunk or under the influence of drugs or force or anything. Derek Hale just waltzed back into his life and that was enough to get Stiles to drop his panties—figuratively of course, he only wore boxers. He should’ve at least thought it through. Were there feelings? Did he want to be with Derek again? Did Derek want to be with him? _Obviously not_ , or he probably would have been there when he woke up. This was all such a mess.

But at least the sex was good.

It was better than good, it was perfect. Best hook up Stiles had ever had, easily. Stiles wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing? He did know though, that he wanted it to happen again and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing either.

XXX

“Good, you’re awake.” Stiles heard as his door opened. He’d been lying on his bed for about fifteen minutes trolling the internet on his phone when Derek walked into his dorm room. 

“I got breakfast,” he said, holding up a brown paper bag and a tray with drinks in it. “I thought I would be back before you woke up. I just ran to a diner a few minutes away.”

“T-thanks,” stuttered Stiles as he sat up. Derek sat down across from him on the bed, opening up the bag and setting out the food while he watched. He wasn’t sure whether to be happy or relieved or what, but he was definitely confused. At least when he thought Derek had left, he had a pretty concrete answer about what last night was.  

He watched Derek divide out pancakes and bacon in total silence. All he could manage was gnawing at his lip as he stared. How could Derek look so casual, so non-chalant, when just last night they’d had sex for the first time and they weren’t even dating?

“Something wrong?”

Stiles snapped out of his trance, “What?”

“You haven’t said anything or touched your food and I’m sure you’re hungry.”

“O-oh yeah,” he said, stuffing a bite into his mouth, “Thanks.”

“You already said that.”  

“Did I?”

Derek nodded, an eyebrow raised, “Yeah, you did.”

“Sorry.”

Letting out a deep breath, the wolf set his plate aside and looked right at Stiles. “What’s wrong?”

“I thought you left,” the human had to force himself to be louder than a whisper.

“I was just getting breakfast.”

“I didn’t think you were coming back.”

“Oh… _oh_. Did you not want me to come back?” The disappointment in Derek’s voice hit Stiles like a ton of bricks. Derek wasn’t questioning last night, just him.

“N-no I…I don’t know honestly. I just, I’m confused. We slept together last night Derek. What was that?”

Derek smirked, making light of the question, “Sex, I’m pretty sure. Really good sex.”

Stiles couldn’t help the smile that came to his face, but he quickly pushed it aside. “I’m being serious. What are we-what was- _we can’t do that again Derek_.”

“Why not? Did you not like it?”  

“I did! But come on. Last night was…it was a fluke. We were excited to see each other. You were happy to be out of that school, I was happy that you were happy but we aren’t…we had our signals confused.”

Derek shook his head. “I wasn’t confused,” he affirmed, “…but you are.”

“Of course I am! We haven’t been together in years! We were doing fine just being friends—”

“Were we? We barely talked all semester.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe that was a good thing?”  

Derek nodded, biting the inside of his cheek and turning his gaze away. He didn’t want Stiles to see the look on his face and hurt him any further. “ _Last night was a mistake_.”

“I had a good time, I just…We’ve been through this before Derek, even before we ever slept together. I don’t-I…I know how easy it is to fall for you and I didn’t leave Beacon Hills just to get hurt again, not by you.”

“Then why go through all the trouble you did over break? Why not just leave me where I was?”

“I don’t…I wanted…”

“And why hang out with me? Why invite me up? Why come on to me, huh?”

“Derek I don’t-I don’t know, it just…”

“You _know_ Stiles, you know exactly why. We both do. Last night wasn’t a mistake for me. It wasn’t what I was expecting, but I don’t regret it. Last night told me exactly what I needed to know. It showed me what I was missing.”

“And what was that? A steady sex partner?”

“ _You._ ”  

Stiles opened his mouth, but he couldn’t get any words to come out. He hated how Derek could do that to him, how many times he’d rendered him speechless. It didn’t matter, because Derek was standing up and getting his things anyway.

“I think I should go now.”

“Derek wait—”

“I’m not going to keep waiting around for you Stiles.”  

At that, Stiles stood, a sudden sensation filling his body. He grabbed Derek’s shoulder to stop him from walking out. “When did I ever ask you to?!”    

“You didn’t have to.”

“This isn’t fair Derek. None of this is fair!”

“And you think what you did to me was fair Stiles? What did you think that last night would mean to me?”

“I didn’t ask you to take me out!”

“But you asked me to sleep with you.”

“It’s not like it was the first time, but you turned me down back then.”

“You know why I did that! But last night was different! Last night when you came onto me, I was-I _thought_ —”  

“What Derek, _what_?” 

Shocking Stiles, the wolf shook his shoulder out of his grip, “I still love you and I thought maybe you still loved me to.”

Almost immediately, the human’s face dropped. This was so much worse than he expected. This hurt so much more than any of the outcomes he had thought he would get. “But it’s…it’s been two years.”  

“I’m a werewolf Stiles. That’s not a very long time for me. I told you before that I’d never stop loving you. _I just didn’t think it would be so easy for you_.”

Stiles stopped, his hands falling limply at his sides as he realized what he was doing, what he was _saying_. He was crushing Derek and that hadn’t been his intentions at all. He went through all the trouble of getting Derek to transfer so that he would be happy, and here Stiles was making his miserable. Oh was irony a bitch. “Derek I didn’t…Derek wait, let’s just talk. I’m sorry. I—”

“I think I should go Stiles. Thanks again. I won’t bother you anymore.”

XXX

Stiles remembers this feeling.  

It’s not a good one. In fact, it’s the very feeling he was trying to avoid. He feels like an asshole. He hadn’t meant to hurt Derek like that. He hadn’t meant to hurt Derek at all. Yet he had and he still felt like a jerk for it.   

He’s lying in bed when he hears it, the knock at his door. He wonders for a second if maybe it’s Derek, coming back to talk, but he knows that’s a stupid idea. He’s not ever sure why he thinks that would even be possible. He’s called the wolf and texted him multiple time with no answer. He isn’t coming back.  

“Go away!” Stiles yells at the door but the knocking persists.

“Stiles open this door or I swear to God, you will wish you did when I get it open!”

_Lydia._

What the hell is she doing here? They don’t have study plans or anything so she shouldn’t be here. Knowing she won’t leave until she gets what she wants, whatever that is, he reluctantly stands up and opens the door.

“Yes?” he asks as she shoves her way in.

The redhead doesn’t answer, just takes a moment to look around his dorm and Stiles really wishes he had cleaned up before she came in, or put on some real clothes. He’s in full on lazy day sweats with Star Wars queued up on his computer. His room is mostly clean, though he has two empty pizza boxes and a signature pint of ice cream sitting on his desk.

Lydia shakes her head, “I thought about giving you the benefit of the doubt for a second, that maybe you were sick, but when you didn’t show up to class or answer my calls for the third day in a row, I knew better. What’s their name?”

“I just needed a few days to—” he starts to lie but Lydia narrows her brow and crosses her arms, a clear sign she isn’t about to take any of his shit.

“ _Stiles._ ” 

“Derek okay? It was Derek.”

She rolls her eyes, “You haven’t changed since high school.” 

“Screw you.”

“Sweetie, we’ve already gone there. It was less than fulfilling.”

 _“What do you want Lydia?”_ He wasn’t in the mood for company, other than Derek’s, which was strange considering the fight they’d had. Now that he was gone, Stiles really wished he’d gotten him to stay.

She takes a seat on the bed that used to belong to his roommate and crosses her legs as if she has no intention of leaving anytime soon. If Stiles wasn’t above putting his hands on women, he might just toss her out himself.

“I came to see what was wrong with you, and thank God I did. I should’ve known this was going to happen when he showed up here last weekend. So, what did he do?”

Dejectedly, Stiles sat down on his own bed and let out a slow, deep, breath, “He didn’t really do anything wrong.”

“So why have you locked yourself up here in the highest room of the tallest tower like some sort of recluse then?”

The male frowned, glancing up at his friend, “I think I did.”  

Without hesitation, Lydia’s entire demeanor changed. It wasn’t something everyone could do, but since meeting him, Lydia felt a little protective of Stiles. She might not say it out loud every day, but they were friends and she did care about him.

“What happened?” she asks and Stiles proceeds to tell her about how he saw Derek at her party and about the pamphlets. He tells her about when Derek came down to see him and took him out and paid. He tells her about when he came onto him and the fight they had Saturday morning in as much detail as he can possibly remember. Lydia nods, listening patiently without much interjection, letting him say everything he needs.

“I just don’t know what to do, or why I feel so bad about it,” he ends.

Lydia shakes her head, answering matter-of-factly, “Because you still have feelings for him.”

“No I don’t,” he says, even though a very small part of him wants to agree with her.

“Yes you do. You love him. You just don’t want to admit it, even though there’s nothing wrong it.”

He stares at her, looking almost dumbfounded. Where the hell is that accusation even coming from? He’s pretty sure he’d be the first to know if he still loved Derek.

“Come on Stiles. Look at you. Look at your room. Listen to what you’re saying. The only time you ever get like this is when you’re in love with Derek and one of you does something stupid that keeps you from being together, whatever the hell that may be. You never act like this over anyone or anything else. If that isn’t proof enough, I don’t know what is.”

“Who said I wanted to be with him?”

“You did.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. You said it when you talked to him that night at my party all night long. You said it when you spent all that time trying to help him find a new school and when you spent time with him last weekend, again when you saw him Friday, and again when you slept with him. And you especially said it when you told him all you wanted was for him to be happy. You didn’t have to say the phrase verbatim, for it to be said Stiles. Just because someone doesn’t tell you they love you out loud every day, doesn’t mean that they don’t. They just show it and say it in the small, seemingly unimportant things.”  

As much as he hates to admit, she’s kind of right. He does still have feelings for Derek, the sex alone proved it. It was the best he’s ever had because there were actual mutual feelings involved. Their fight hurt so much because he still cares. He doesn’t want to, but he does. Seeing him again, being around him, only solidified that. Even after all this time, there’s still something there and it was almost too easy to spark back up. It makes his chest feel hurt and his eyes start to water.

“What’s wrong with me?” he sniffles pathetically. He tries told keep as much of his composure as possible.

“Nothing’s wrong with you sweetie. You’re afraid, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

“I thought I was over this. We haven’t dated since I was a sophomore. I even made it through my first semester without him and it’s like as soon as I see him, I just…I just fall all over again. I fucking hate it. It makes me feel weak. How can somebody do that?”

Lydia shrugs. “I’ve only been in love once Stiles, and if I had to describe it…I’d say it was the best thing I’ve ever felt, but it was also the worst…but I’m happy it happened.”

“Why?”

“Because, when you love something, when you _really_ love something, you don’t ever want to let it go. If you both don’t hurt when it’s over, then it never really meant anything to either of you.”    

“So what do you think I should do?”

“I can’t tell you what’s right for you Stiles. I don’t know everything, but people change. They grow up. I’m not going to say it won’t hurt but…,” she says and he frowns, “But if Jackson loved me half as much as Derek loves you, I would’ve swallowed my pride and showed up at his door days ago.”

XXX

Derek’s only felt stupid a handful of times in his life, and if he had to guess, he would say majority of those times had something to do with Stiles.

He wants to say he wishes he would’ve never slept with him, but he doesn’t wish that at all. It was hands down, the best sex he’s ever had. If anything, he wishes he would’ve kept his feelings to himself and not ruined everything afterwards. Maybe he _should’ve_ just left that morning and not come back, but that was something you did when you felt regret and regret was the last thing he felt about that night. He just, he wishes it would’ve turned out _differently_.

Sure, Stiles has called and he’s texted, but Derek knows it’s only because he feels bad for hurting him and the last thing he wants is pity. Maybe it’s selfish, but at this point, if he can’t have love from Stiles, he doesn’t want anything from him at all. Friendship just isn’t enough anymore. Friendship for them can only last so long before one of them gets hurt. It’s all or nothing for him for them at this point.

He isn’t expecting to see Stiles sitting in front of his dorm when he walks down the hall. The boy is just right there, lying down with his head resting on his back pack, mind focused on a chemistry book. For a second, he considers turning around and walking away, but Stiles sees him before he can execute his escape.  

“Derek? H-hey…” is how Stiles starts and the wolf can sense just how nervous he is. The sound of his heart beating is like bass drum pounding directly into his skull.  

“Hey Stiles, what are you doing here?”

“I…I wanted to talk to you,” he says, standing up and gathering his things. “Is this a bad time or can we go somewhere and talk?”

Derek is definitely reluctant, but if Stiles came all this way to talk to him, he figures he can give him a few minutes. He just can’t turn him away.

“Yeah, we can talk inside. My roommate is still in class for another hour or something.”

The slight smile that grazes the human’s lips isn’t lost on him, but he’s not sure how long that’ll last. They walk in and Stiles takes a seat on the edge of Derek’s perfectly made bed while he continues to stand up.

It’s quiet for a moment but before Derek can work up the courage to ask Stiles what it is he wants, Stiles starts talking.

“Look, I wanted to say I’m sorry, you know, for the other day when you—”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I know but I-just let me get this all out okay?”

Derek sighs, “Fine.”

“So, I’m sorry for freaking out on you the other day okay? I was just confused. I was confused and I was in denial, and I was afraid. I was afraid of being hurt again. I was afraid of what would happen if we got into this again. I was afraid that if we did get into this again, we would fail; but most of all, I was afraid of feeling the ways I know you can make me feel,” Stiles looks away before he continues, “…I told you once that you terrified me. You still do; but nobody in my life has ever made me feel the way that you do and I was holding back because I was only remembering the bad, but somebody helped me to remember that in order for someone to make me feel that bad, I had to feel equally as good once too.”

Derek raises an eyebrow, not really catching on. “I don’t understand. You like that I can hurt you, like _really_ hurt you? Because that doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me Stiles.”   

“No you idiot! I’m saying that I was dwelling on all the pain from our breakups without actually remembering why they hurt so much in the first place. They hurt, because I loved you and somewhere along the line, I think I forgot why. I only remembered that there was hurt and I let that keep me from seeing what was right in front of my face from the moment I saw you again at Lydia’s party.”

“And that was what? That you should stay as far away from me as possible?”

Stiles just barely shakes his head, “That no matter what happens to us, I still love you.”  

Derek isn’t sure what to say to that. If only that solved all of their problems, but it doesn’t. “That doesn’t fix anything Stiles. Love doesn’t make everything okay.”

Stiles sighs, clearly the wolf is missing the point of what he’s trying to say. “I’m not asking it to. I just…I’m saying, if even after everything we’ve been through, despite what you are, if there’s still this much love here, I’m willing to take another chance. At least _one more chance_ Derek. I think we owe each other that much. If nothing else, we owe it to ourselves.”

“I don’t…”

“In high school we were young and we were learning and I don’t think we knew how to handle the amount of love we had for each other. That much love between too kids, especially considering the amount of danger we were in, was overwhelming. I couldn’t handle it. You couldn’t handle it; and instead of using those feelings to help us, we let them destroy us. But that isn’t us anymore Derek, we’re still young but we’re not those kids. I’ve been with other people, but no one has ever made me feel the way you did the other night and I doubt that anyone else ever will.” 

He can see the sincerity in the human’s eyes. He can hear it in his voice. Hell, he can practically feel it radiating off of him, but Derek would be lying if he didn’t say he still had his doubts. This back and forth was getting old. If they were going to do this, it had to be real. “So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I want to give us another chance Derek, like dating. I’m not saying it will definitely work out in the end. I’m not saying it won’t hurt if it doesn’t; but If I’m willing to go down that path, I only want it to be with you. I was too scared to say it last week, but I swear to God I love you too. I _still_ love you and I want to be with you.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say, so he just stares. He watches Stiles’ face change from hopeful to optimistic to disappointed yet he still can’t find any words. It’s a lot to handle.

“But you don’t want to be with me too,” Stiles says, and it isn’t a question. He says it like it’s a statement of fact. Before Derek can even blink again, the other male is standing up and grabbing his stuff, “I’m sorry. This was stupid.

“Stiles,” Derek says, but he just keeps going.

“I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Stiles.”

“I shouldn’t have bothered you. I shouldn’t have come. I—”

“Stiles!” he finally yells, actually getting the boy’s attention. Slowly he starts to take the things from the other boy’s hands and toss them aside. “Jesus Stiles, you talk too much.”

“I…but…wait what are you…”

“Stiles just stop,” Derek says, putting an arm on both sides of Stiles’ hips and pulling him in. He’s still stuttering some and the way his eyes are daring around the room suggest that his mind is going a mile a minute if not more. Derek knows there’s only one way to calm him down, so he pulls the human in and brings his lips towards his mouth. It shuts Stiles up, if only for a second.

“What was that?”

“That was me telling you that if you’re willing to try, then I am too. It won’t be perfect and it won’t be easy, but each time is different this time. Maybe this time will be the right one? I’m willing to find out.”

A slow, but ecstatic, smile spreads across the human’s lips. He’s not sure what’s going to happen but knowing it’s with Derek, makes him hopeful and excited.

“ _Me too.”_    
 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again!


End file.
